When you work in the hospitality business, it’s great to get reviews. When they’re good – it makes your job worthwhile. When they’re (constructively) bad – well, then it gives you useful feedback to improve your brand.
But sometimes reviews make you despair at the stupidity and downright maliciousness of the people writing them. So, to give you all an idea of the sort of “feedback” we in hospitality need to contend with, here are the top ten most ridiculous reviews across the business.
Enjoy (and spare a thought for us!)
"ProstituTes and sticky tables"
We’re not entirely surprised that this fella received a cool reception if he’s this charming. Our favourite bit is his complaint about the prostitutes from the sauna next door – which is actually a gay club…
"Our restaurant is not open yet"
We were lost for words with this one. Still chuckling away. Some of these reviewers are clearly clairvoyant if they know what a restaurant is like before it’s even open.
"we're a restaurant not an office..."
We know some offices are having a bit of an issue with space for their employees but this really takes the biscuit (not that they even ordered a biscuit). Cafes, pubs and restaurants do their best to have all of the facilities you may need to spend a comfortable bit of time with them but don’t be a freeloader and abuse the hospitality!
"how did you eat the lobster we don't sell?!"
And the award for the best response goes to Noa’s Manager. Short, concise, to the point – and totally confused. Still loling at this one.
"Maybe get a cat..."
Someone get this woman a cat or a life! Who goes around writing fake reviews about places they’ve never visited!? WHY!!!????
"What's a martini"
If you’ve walked into a dive bar in your tux and asked for a martini – shaken not stirred – you’re lost. Just acknowledge your lack of navigating ability, sit down and have a pint like a normal person.
Definition of a caring pub owner – a link to the AA org to help out a customer who clearly has issues. Not least of which is complaining about the fact that the owner of the bar wouldn’t break the law to give her liver a further work out.
"exposing your chest hair in lieu of ID"
Our sympathies with this bar owner who not only had to endure indecent exposure but an undeserved crappy review. And did both in a stylish way.
"felt like a back garden"
At least the owner is under no illusion what their USP is.
"I hate this place!"
Not sure whether to love or hate this review. This pizza is clearly worth a try in spite of the 1 star rating.